A dusting of my past

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My name is Dezarae’. i am originally from Hutchinson, Kansas. i joined the military at 17 served 4 1/2 years. The military itself was not bad, but i delt with alot concerning people in the military. I taught myself to crochet when i was twelve, havent done much until late 2008. When i crochet and knit it makes me feel like i belong to something. Its the one thing in my life that i can fix if i mess it up. I am working on slowly starting up a business which will be called Making Traditions. Making Traditions is a store for all ages and all sexes. You can learn anything from needlepoint, spinning fibers, crochet, knitting, canning, cooking, baking, vegetable gardening tips, sewing, Quilting, preserving, and freezing. Along with being a one stop shop for all these categories. The motto of my business is “making yesterday’s talents, today’s traditions”. My goal is to find a link between the past and the present to bring families of all generations together. while also providing skills which will come in handy for the rest of one’s life.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The unspoken day of a mother

It is so amazing to be a mother, The joy that fills a child when they learn something new is also the joy that feels a parent. People, weather they are single or do not tend to the kids 24 hours a day 7 days a week, Can not even begin to fathom the mental and emotional stress involved with being an "at home" mom.

Every day one wakes up is always a surprise. Sometimes I am greeted with screaming. Why? No idea. But my oldest son who is 3 1/2 loves to just scream, cry, and whine. The result of this annoying behavior is the waking of my other son. Who is then clingy and Screams if i put him down. Then the jealousy kicks in. Jaden, my oldest, then wants me to pick him up as well. Both of my kids are around 30 lbs each, and people say i dont do physical labor!

On a good day, The kids dont get up until the clock reads between 730 and 830am. Jaden will greet me in the basement with a "good morning mommy" then he will come snuggle with me. Once i hear Demetrius talking to himself in his room, i know that my youngest is now awake. I gather up the kids, set them at the table, and feed them breakfast.

Demetrius is a BIG mama's boy. So he is pretty much attatched to my hip. Which is nice, but sucks when you are trying to get the cleaning done.

Cleaning, Now this is a whole other story. I GET IT, The expectation put on me for the house is not a speck of dust on the floor, All children toys must stay in the basement, ABSOLUTELY no shoes in the house. No dishes in the sink, No hand prints on the glass, Not a piece of evidence that anyone lives there.

So guess what, I fail to meet these expectations every day. With children walking at my feet and attatched to my hip, to the point i cant take a shower without kids, or take a bathroom break without kids, It is no wonder I can not meet the expectations.

Spring is here, FINALLY! So now it is gardening time. I try to spend at least 2 hours outside a day. This time period allows the children to play and mommy to work in the garden.

When we do go outside, This is another whole ballgame. My clingy boys are not so clingy anymore. One may be jumping on a bike for a stroll, while the other is wondering through the neighbor's yard in no time. So then i go to chase down the one that is wondering.... usually demetrius... me leaving the property results in our dog following me. Doesnt matter how many times I say "JAKE STAY" he waits until my back is turned and runs full speed ahead, this in result, gets the neighbor's dogs excited. so then I am fighting the dog and the child. And people think I dont do physical work!

Now it is time to come inside, The mess from lunch is still usually on the counter because i cannot stay inside and clean and leave my children outside. So i have to leave the mess until i am greeted with it when I am ready to start dinner. Dinner is a whole other ball game. I'm cooking, I usually put Jaden on the computer for an hour so he can play his game. But demetrius is crying because he wants me to pick him up and I am working with a hot stove. The crying continues, The attempt to get dinner ready in a timely manner continues. I put demetrius in his chair with some crackers just to keep him quiet or a while. And of course, jaden hit something on the computer and his game is off. So he comes upstairs crying and screaming. which he does over everything when it isnt going his way. but he is getting better at it :) So I have to stop what i am chopping, stop what I am cooking, Stop everying to fix his game. When I do get dinner finished, My husband usually comes home from work at this time. Sits long enough to eat then he has to get his studies done for his test he has to take. So I march the boys upstairs to the bathtub. Try to get dinner dishes picked up ... sometimes i do, sometimes i dont., Before the kids start sounding like they are killing each other.

It really sucks not having someone i can call and say hey, I really need a couple hours to get things done, do you think you can watch the boys for a couple hours. or come over and keep me company for a while so I may regain my sanity? Days like this, when the kids are fussy and everything seems to go wrong, I could use some company, But i empty out my phone list practically every day left blank on who may be able to come over ... for my sake.

I may live in illinois, but kansas will always be my home.

And If you are one of those people who do not have kids, and see a mother struggling with her kids, give her a break! dont judge! kids change every day. Sometimes my kids are as good as anything and I get alot done, and other times i tell people they are not mine, they just follow me everywhere. :p. You dont know the story behind one's actions when you see them in the mall or at the grocery store. Let god do the judging. And dont EVER come into my house and compare me to someone else and walk away talking about how there were dishes in the sink and crumbs on the floor. I do the best I can, Instead of judging me all the time, ask what you can do to help. that is what friends and FAMILY is for.


  1. *hugs* If I were near you, I wouldn't hesitate to come help. I'm sure you're an excellent mother, and I certainly believe your boys think so, otherwise they wouldn't be so attached. :)

  2. Hello,
    I found you through Ravelry (I was reading the Chicagoland Crochet boards) and thought I'd say hi! I live in Chicago, but grew up not too far from Lee. My parents still live out that way.

    LOL about the clean house expectations. Whoever says that deserves a smack upside the head. I have a 5 yr old son and 3 yr old twin girls and there isn't a surface in this house that doesn't have at least a dozen fingerprints all over it. Or crayon. Or snot. Or some food substance. I try really hard to clean it all up, but one person cannot clean up after everyone. Personally, I can't keep up with the destruction! So, give yourself a pat on the back for what you do get done and let the rest go. Your house will not be immaculate until your kids are away at college. I totally understand feeling like the maid and that totally sucks. I totally feel like the maid most days! :)

  3. Thank you both for your lovely comments. They really did lift my spirits. :)